About: adult

Hi, I am a coach, speaker, and trainer who helps driven people be more authentic by helping them connecting with what deeply matters to them. Then they can be more effective and connecting in the workplace. 

Why do I profoundly care about authenticity? My origin story has 3 parts: 

The first part is in early childhood. Growing up in the rough parts of Brooklyn as a child of a Chinese immigrant family who fled from the Cultural Revolution in China, I quickly learned: I was not American enough. Other kids my age quickly pointed out the way I spoke or didn’t speak English, as well as the shape of my eyes. When I went to visit my extended family in Hong Kong and Guangzhou, China I quickly learned: I was not Chinese enough. I can speak fluent everyday-Cantonese but when I walk into a shop, without opening my mouth the shop owners can tell I wasn’t Chinese enough by the way I dress, the way I move, and the way I am in the world. 

So here was little Nancy: she wasn’t American enough and she wasn’t Chinese enough, so who is the real Nancy? Given these mixed messages I was a pretty confused child. Will the real Nancy Li please stand up? 

The second part is upon entering the work world. I just graduated with a biology and East Asian studies degree, decided I didn’t want to do lab work, and landed in a market research firm. Something didn’t feel like it quite fit and I couldn’t really articulate it till later. I come from a hierarchical culture where each person knows exactly where they stand and how to act in a relationship from that position. For example: there is a deference to elders from someone who is younger. So it befuddled me: I am supposed to call my manager’s manager (nevertheless my manager) by their first name and talk like we are peers but in reality they have the power to hire, fire, promote, champion, or hold me back within my job progression at a specific organization. 

So where does this first generation low income college graduate stand in this corporate world? How am I supposed to act and express myself given the power dynamics and differences – how can one be authentic AND effective AND feel connected in the workplace? Again I was mystified for a while and tried different things: bumping my head along the way, until I found what works for me and got me results within my career in pharmaceutical consulting. 

The third part is from my proudest moment as a leader and people manager. The team was in shambles: all the senior leaders left, the culture was not healthy – to the point where people took medical or mental health leave, and we suddenly have a new leader with a vision and a different style. By this point I have skills, tools, and perspectives to be able to express what I need and recommend what to do next in an authentic way. I approach the new leader and shared this: 

• The vision was great and I can see the importance of focusing the business in a specific way to get to certain goals. 
• However our team does not mainly consist of business people, so can I help this transition by defining roles, responsibilities, and timelines so the team is in alignment? 
• Also can we heal the culture? I don’t think we can be an effective team or retain team members given the current culture. 

The leader agreed and we created magic together as a team. 

For a year I led weekly team meetings to define, implement, and re-evaluate the team culture. When I say culture I don’t mean fluffy words that feel good to say but we don’t know what behavior, actions, or speech it actually entails. Throughout the year each team member got to share what is important to them, as well as the behaviors and actions that embodies the team culture they want to have. Organically the team developed a “human first” culture: supportive, caring, and authentic within less than half a year.  

How did this affect the business? The team was able to build its portfolio of new business and clients, learn and execute this newer business portfolio with more ease and effectiveness, and saw significant improvement in the annual employee satisfaction and feedback surveys – ranking highly among all teams. Senior leaders were willing to accept 360 degree feedback and team members felt more empowered to share things that are hampering or can help the team and the business.

I saw and experienced the power of authenticity: people sharing what is important to them and making it come alive in team culture. This brings about more impact, partnership, communication, effectiveness, and creativity in ways that are not possible if people are not able to bring up what truly matters to them. 

On a personal side: I am the first in my family to go to college (the University of Virginia was definitely a different scene than Brooklyn!) and work in corporate America. I survived by being one of the “smart kids” and chased and got many “gold stars.” However the year 2016 broke me open when several beloved family members and I were ill. All the tools in my high achieving toolbox (i.e.: logic, strategy, problem solving, and working harder) could not help at all with the overwhelming changes – in the physical world, relationships, and within myself. So I went on a quest: a quest for what works for Nancy, which was also a quest to connect with the more authentic Nancy.  

On this journey I found tools, skills, and communities that supported and is still transforming me. I sit on a 3 legged stool consisting of Internal Family Systems therapy, mindfulness and meditation, and nonviolent communication. I have more peace, acceptance, and even enjoyment of who Nancy is and the many parts of her. That she matters – with the voice and space to be who she is. I can now show up more fully in relationships with compassion, boundaries, and skills even when time are tough.

This is the reason why I want to help other high achieving professionals who are struggling to be authentic and feel connected in their relationships because I know that being authentic not only matters, but it feels really good when we are.