Hello my name is Nancy Li and I am a coach who helps high achieving professionals who struggle to connect in their interpersonal relationships. I want to share more about who I work with and how I coach and support them.
Let’s start with some definitions – interpersonal relationships could be friendships, parental, romantic, or work relationships because in all these circumstances there is an interconnection between two or more people.
For high achieving professionals, they tend to excel in situations in which the rules of engagement are pretty defined, such as the work environment. Since they are rational, strategic, diligent, and great at problem solving they are seen as competent managers and leaders who manage projects, people, teams, or businesses.
However, in interpersonal relationships there are not always clear rules of engagement. Sometimes these connections can be ambiguous or open ended and engaging in these situations may require vulnerability with the possibility of rejection. Examples would be an evolving friendship or romantic relationship, shifting to a caretaker role in a parent-child relationship, or not getting along with a new manager or co-worker who has a different communication style and ways of working.
So these situations can create some disconnection and confusion, especially when the usual tools of logic, rationality, and trying harder aren’t working. Additionally there is a tendency to focus on the outer perspectives: how can I get other people to do the things I want or how can I fix this situation? These are all external facing lenses to look at an uncertain situation. Sometimes it feels like one has to put on a facade or be perfect to be accepted.
I believe it is not sufficient to take an outer perspective in any interpersonal relationship because it doesn’t factor in the humanity of the person who is struggling. Because of this belief, that is why I help high achieving professionals connect better in interpersonal relationships by helping them establish stronger inner connections through their inner child.
My work is based on 3 principles:
- Many approaches tend to focus on what doesn’t work and that doesn’t work. For example: “They are the problem”, “This is not working out”, or “I feel stuck”. In my approach we uncover and focus on what does works for you.
- Connecting with the inner child is a way to connect to the self with tenderness and care.
- Focusing on the smallest next steps, instead of big leaps, will help you get closer to how you would like to be in your interpersonal relationships.
Before I go on any further, since the words “inner child” has gotten pretty popular nowadays let me share another definition so we can be on the same page. The inner child is not the hurt younger you that you want to go back in time and rescue. There are therapy modalities that do that and I am not a therapist. The inner child is also not the younger you who had the best time of your life and now you want to recapture that moment.
My definition of the inner child is that when we are nourished and well taken care of as a young being then certain qualities innately bubble up inside us. Qualities like openness, wonder, play, warmth, connection, and purpose.I believe that as adults many of us have lost this connection to our inner child. Why? Because of what culture, society, and roles tells us who we have to be in order to be acceptable, cared for, or loved.
So given this definition and belief, I work with clients who are seeking to have stronger, less confusing, and more connected interpersonal relationships by first grounding deeply in their own inner connection through the inner child.
As a coach I:
- Hold a safe, structured, and topic-focused space to explore and connect with your inner child
- Support your discovery of what qualities are important to you
- Help you find the smallest next steps to cultivate or uncover more of these qualities in your life
I have walked on this path before. I have done each exercise and found them to be personally impactful. Others have too and this is why I share them with you.
If you think what I am sharing resonate with something in your life then share this article and link to sign up for my newsletter here. If you have any comments or questions then please share them below.
Take care,
Nancy
