I have a secret: I hate affirmations with a passion.
If you are a person who loves affirmations then this article is not for you. Close it out and walk away.
If you know of anyone who hates affirmations then share this article with them.
Why do I hate affirmations – you know the thing that when you are down in the dumps and someone tells you to just say what you want (for example: confidence, money, partner, house), act like you already have it, and it will manifest?
A classic example is that if you are not feeling confident then you will say “I am confident” over and over again, sometimes in front of a mirror, and then act confidently and it will manifest in the world.
My whole being just recoils from this. It feels so fake…so inauthentic!
Here are my beefs with affirmations:
- If I am already confident, then why the heck do I need to say it so many times? Won’t I just BE confident?
- How do I pretend that I already am or have something when I really don’t… even a 3 year old can tell me what they do or do not have. I am way smarter than a 3 year old!
- I am a rational human being and my logical left brain is rebelling against you telling me to lie to myself in order to have something.
All this being said, I want to offer 2 alternatives to get to the heart of what you want.
Alternative 1: I am willing…
This alternative expresses your desire or openness for something. Instead of saying “I am XYZ (confident)”, say “I am willing to be XYZ (confident) or have XYZ (confidence) in my life.”
If you still feel yourself recoil because you are feeling particularly vulnerable or unsure if it is possible at all to have that in your life, then ask yourself “Am I willing to be willing to be XYZ (confident)?” and see how you naturally answer.
Sometimes it takes a bit of willingness to be willing to shift perspectives and positions on things to get to what you want more of in the world.
Alternative 2: Change me into one who…
This alternative acknowledges where you are and where you want to be.
You are at point A and you want to get to point B, so ask to be changed into someone who can get from point A to B: “Change me into one who has confidence in juggling/ negotiations/ dealing with my co-workers/ handling bed time with my kids.”
If you find yourself struggling to say “Change me into one who…” then you can use “May I be changed into someone who…”
Note that this may statement is not asking for permission, like “May I have a cookie?” but it’s allowing for something that may or may not happen.
Both of these practices are more believable, more real, and more authentic to me because it acknowledges my resistance and doesn’t force me to be who I am not.
Instead it invites my willingness and my ability to change. I feel more open to things instead of closing down because I am told to be what I am not.
That is why in times of need I can practice these alternatives instead of fighting against what I don’t have or not yet am.
As with any practice: try them on for fit, say it out loud, repeat it several times, do it for several days, and notice what happens.
If you do either or both alternatives, let me know how it goes: comment below or message me.
Take care,
Coach Nancy
PS: I am not saying that doing any of these nullify things are systemic such as some people do speak over others more or that there are unconscious biases at large. However doing these things open you up to the possibilities of stepping into more of who you want to be.