Nancy Li
Founder, Speaker, and Coach
Hello,
Let me tell you a bit about why I focus on coaching high achieving first gen women. For me, this work is deeply personal.
My parents immigrated to the United States from China because they sought a better life outside of a Communist system. My mom was a former sweatshop laborer who became a sample maker for high end fashion. My dad was a cook in a Chinese restaurant and then became a delivery man of seafood to Japanese restaurants.
I grew up in poverty in Brooklyn, New York and was the first in my family to go to college, get a corporate job, and take on corporate and non profit leadership roles.
In each phase I felt disconnected – like there were two Nancys. One is the dutiful “good daughter,” emergency medical translator, and bite-my-tongue person in the family. Another is the capable, assertive, and polished professional in the workplace.
I didn’t know if I should speak up (“squeaky wheel gets the oil” – American proverb) or hold myself back (“the tallest nail gets hammered down” – Asian proverb). This resulted in self-doubt and overworking.
I couldn’t help but think: Why is it so hard, even when I am qualified and doing a good job at work and at home?
I thought I wanted to feel secure, in control, and free from worries through my achievements. Later I realized it was about developing a life where I am at ease with my different identities, capabilities, and limitations AND be effective in the world.
Through being Director of the Women in NAAAP (National Association of Asian American Professionals) Philadelphia chapter, Co-Founder and Co-Executive Director of the Collective Success Network (a non profit that mentors and supports first gen low income college students), and business consultant and manager in the pharmaceutical and health information industry (IQVIA, Merck, Decision Resources Group (now Clarivate)), something surprising happened – I kept on having the same conversations with high achieving first gen women.
They were lawyers, teachers, scientists, marketers, business women, consultants, executives, and judges; successful in every way – but they struggle with having 2 disparate identities: a work self and non-work self.
Often they were the only person who looked like them in the conference room. They feel the weight of representation at work and many responsibilities for their family.
I realized something big: when first gen professional women commiserate about our experiences, it’s a powerful bonding experience. BUT it also normalizes what shouldn’t be normalized – the schism among our identities.
No one taught us how to hold these identities in ways that are not beholden to tropes, whether it is pulling ourselves by the bootstraps or sacrificing ourselves. Despite all our success, we each felt lost in different ways.
First gen women not only want to succeed for ourselves but also for our family, culture, or community. We face challenges in navigating the class and culture gap, worry about being seen as too passive or too aggressive, or code switch between languages and/or worlds. All while building a career, buying a home, starting a family, and trying to enjoy life. We often do not have role models, guides, or frameworks that don’t “should” all over us.
I know what it’s like to work hard, earn well, and still feel divided in my identities which then impacts on how I show up in the world. That feeling is stressful, and it shouldn’t be the reality for high-achievers who deserve to live fully.
As your coach, I want you to find your howl.
I want you to be bold and full of ease by connecting with the wild part of yourself. Whether it is howling to the moon or something else.
I want you to experience your identity, work, and family as a source of freedom and confidence, not stress and burden.
I am here to help high achieving first gen women live their best life now, going forward, and as an example for other first gen-ers to come.
Thank you for letting me share this with you. If I can help bring clarity, purpose, and impact in your professional and personal life, it would be an honor to be a part of your journey.
With gratitude,
Nancy Li