What if I told you that conflict is actually the portal to your own leadership power?
That you don’t need to feel frustrated, confused, or pissed off in conflict.
That navigating conflict well – i.e. with your compassion and integrity intact, allows you to be the person you actually like more at the end of the conflict situation, instead of questioning or even being resentful of how you show up in conflict?
Does your rational mind say the following:
- This is too good to be true
- Stop selling me fairy tales
- That’s not how the world works!
My bold belief is this: conflict is a portal to power – yours and whoever is involved in it.
Why?
A portal is a door that takes you from point A to point B.
Which door you, pick determines which destination you end up at.
If you pick a door that has a path that is full of anger, shame, blame, or guilt, guess what? That is what you will be getting more of as you go deeper into conflict.
If you pick a door that has a path that is full of compassion – not only for you but also for “them” (for whoever “they” are because they are also suffering in conflict in their own way), clarity via your critical thinking, and the skills to repair the rupture, then you emerge from conflict a different person.
How can you NOT be a different person if you choose to navigate conflict this way?
It’s similar to choosing between:
- Pointing out contradictions at a team meeting and not getting support you want OR telling the colleague you are in conflict with that their actions or words have impact on you
- Bottling it all up and then exploding on the unsuspecting person not related to the conflict whether it is your friend, spouse, kid, or supportive coworker OR making micro adjustments in this conflict situation so you don’t feel trapped or stuck and then explode on others
- Making it all about us vs them OR getting curious about what is happening on the other side: I wouldn’t do what they are doing… but I wonder what prompts them to do such a thing?
Which door we choose to walk through conflict determines how we walk through conflict. That determines how we emerge on the other side of conflict.
You don’t start big, for you cannot. Conflict is inherently limiting – it constricts possibilities, creativity, and critical thinking.
So start by looking at which doors you have been walking through. Notice what happens when friction comes up and what you do or do not do. Be aware of when tension is in your body or thoughts. Look at your reactions when discomfort arises.
That will show you what door you have been choosing. Start there, for it will lead you closer or further away from your power. Start letting conflict be the portal to your power.
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Nancy Li helps leaders and organizations navigate conflict without giving up on their compassion or critical thinking.
Learn more about Nancy here: https://pannapanya.com/about/